They didn’t literally kill him, so Grandma Gurley if you’re reading this, your baby is ok. He just sucks. He sucks because the Rams suck. The Rams suck as an organization. They suck on the field. This isn’t news. But it’s probably only going to get worse.
It’s late July, training camp hasn’t started, but the fantasy football chatter has begun. I’m the commissioner of The Holy War, my long running fantasy football league with my high school friends. Last year I finished in last place, and it’s mostly because of stupid fucking Todd Gurley. So I’m starting to think keepers, and despite the obvious talent and the fact I get him at a great auction price, I can’t keep Todd Gurley. I don’t think I could keep him for free. One of the more talented backs in the league, had an solid rookie year, and the Rams ineptitude is so great that he’s not worth a keeper slot. Pathetic.
How did the Rams become so inept? Well it starts at the top with the Rams owner.Stan Kroenke is repulsive in just about every way. He’s got all the money in the world and he uses it to ruin professional sports franchises. When was the last time the Colorado Avalanche did anything? Or the Denver Nuggets? Everything the Kroenke family touches turns to rubbish and Stan has the magical ability to make every suit he’s wearing no matter how expensive look cheap. But it’s not Stan putting this team on the field, so who is the guy making all the sage football moves in LA? It’s not the GM. It’s this guy.
This is Kevin. Fun Fact about Kevin, he once got destroyed on Double Dare. Another fun fact? This is the guy running the hapless Rams. This guy has Todd Gurley’s blood on his hands. This is the architect of the Jared Goff trade, you’re welcome Titan’s fans.
Then we got Les….
Les is probably an ok guy but he’s getting cucked by a nerd in the form of a guy named Kevin for Pete’s sake. This guy has a laundry list of bad draft picks. One of the biggest being the waste of space Greg Robinson at #2 overall. It’s not like he was getting bad info from the scouts. There was talk among several of the scouts about taking Zack Martin, who was viewed as polished and ready to play guard. Les hushed that chatter right away by saying, “I can’t take a guard at #2.” Why the fuck not Les? Instead you took a project of a Tackle and that project didn’t pan out. Now Zack Martin is locked into the pro bowl every year producing more gaping holes than Mike Adriano. You know who could use some gaping holes? (cough phrasing) Todd MOTHERFUCKING Gurley! That’s just a small sample size of the stupidity. Don’t get me started on the Tavon Austin contract, the way the Lambs cap is managed is a rabbit hole I don’t care to go down.
So there you have it…the UnHoly Triumvirate that snatched Todd Gurley’s promising young career before it even started. Todd I wish I could say it was nice having you on the team, clean out your locker, you’re back in the FA pool.