ESPN intent on getting all the Milk from the OJ Simpson cow.


Now that I have written that headline, I feel like I missed a real opportunity for a solid juice pun. Oh well maybe I can fit it in later. It’s reflex to hit 173 on the remote, when I pick it up. Those numbers followed by the enter key bring me to ESPN the self proclaimed “World Wide Leader” in Sports. I didn’t realize it was going to be all OJ all day. As I type ESPN cameras are focused on an empty desk in Carson City, Nevada. I assume at some point people will be sitting in these seats. Maybe I’m underestimating how much the average person cares about the state of OJ Simpson in 2017. We all have an opinion on it sure, it’s a conversation topic, but is it something that we need to watch unfold live? I’ve never been to a parole hearing, but they have to be boring as hell. ESPN is making a goddamn special out of this.

I’m pretty sure OJ is going to get paroled, by the time this posts it may have already happened. I’m bracing myself for the media shit-storm coming from this non-event. I really don’t care about OJ at this point. People get paroled for robbery everyday in this country, it’s not news. OJ was always going to get out at some point he was never going to serve life. It sucks for Juice that this is happening during the quietest time of the year for news. It is as if ESPN paid the courts so that the parole hearing would fall during their dead zone. It sucks even more for me and anyone else who is trained to go to ESPN the second you click on the TV. We are the real victims in this OJ debacle. Kids ask your grandparents about the movie A Clockwork Orange.


They brainwash violent offenders by forcing them to watch horrifying videos while inducing feelings of sickness. I kinda feel like ESPN has done this to me with OJ over the past 25 years. Just when I think I’ve seen enough, they show more. I would rather be watching competitive scrabble.

So I am actually watching this garbage and the lead parole lady looks like Linda Belcher. It’s the most compelling part of this hearing.


OJ is only hurting himself, with some of the shit he’s saying. I should be live tweeting this not blogging it. Hindsight is 20/20.

I just realized OJ is wearing a jean shirt, the whole time I thought he was in OR scrubs and wondering why. I need to get my eyes checked.

I can’t watch this anymore. This is so boring. I’ll just wait to hear the outcome like every other normal person. My prediction is he is going free. A-Train OUT.


Ok I’m back to update. I was right. Juice is loose. Orange you glad ESPN has given you non-stop coverage. I’d say the glass is half full for OJ now. I bet outside the courthouse it’s a Sunny Delight. You could say he just got freshly squeezed out of prison. Nine years is a long time to keep OJ on the shelf, better check the expiration date. I hope I was able to quench any thirst for promised puns.  – A-Train out for reals this time.


Double Update: It’s officially out of hand. OJSPN has taken over. 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s