Kevin Durant sucks at being a rich and famous basketball player. He is out here on twitter fighting a social media battle like a goddamn peasant. Kevin Durant recently apologized for creating fake twitter accounts to bash his naysayers and former coaches/teammates, and lift up his own image and brand. Why Kevin? I know why, you think your a normal dude. Your feeling get hurt, you feel misunderstood, the media is savage as fuck I get it.

I’m here to take you under my wing Kevin. I here to show you, how to be a rich famous basketball player, not on the court. Off the court. First I need you to understand that you have “fuck you money” This is important, you need to know that at anytime some dip-shit reporter prints something about you, or some twitter egg calls you a traitor…you could buy their childhood home and level it to the ground. I’m not saying do that. Just know it in your head, and the urge to respond to trolls will lessen. “Fuck you money” is the most important piece in our overall goal of “don’t give a fuck at all.”

Kevin your new basketball shoes are the opposite of not giving a fuck dude. You can”t have writing responding to haters on the bottom of your shoe. This shoes that you care SOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH about what other people say that you remember it, and put it on your footwear. C’mon man. Nobody wants to be a living billboard for your personal insecurities. Jordan wouldn’t do shit like that, but LeBron might. Don’t emulate the latter.

We need to get you caring about other stuff, Kevin. Are you a foodie? No? Let’s change that. One way to set yourself apart from these plebs on twitter is to constantly feast on the finest food the world has to offer. This way when you go to tweet, you can tweet about the fresh catch prepared by your personal chef on a private yacht off the coast of Tahiti. Start getting into rich guy stuff, get together with a bunch of dude on the warriors and buy an island or something. Show the world that you don’t have time too be fucking around on social media because your life is just too fucking sweet.

Get some interns. Look slavery is outlawed but interns are legal. You get a couple good ones, vet them thoroughly, get cools guys, guys you can trust. There guys are gonna handle the social media part of getting your sweet life out to the world. You will not be uploading you baller lifestyle to social media, they will be doing it for you.

Kevin when you wake up in the morning, you are Kevin Durant, and Kevin Durant has nothing to worry about. Not money, you are already rich. Not success, you are already going to be a Hall of Fame player with at least 1 championship. Not the ladies. So you end up worrying about the twitterings of peasants.

For a joe-schmo like myself it’s good to know that star athletes are not immune to the voices of their detractors, it’s humanizing in a way it really is. It also makes me realize if Kevin Durant has multiple fake accounts then so does EVERYONE ELSE. The problem is that it shouldn’t be like that Kevin, you should be immune, you should be looking way down on us mere mortals. That’s what Jordan does.

Kevin self improvement comes from sacrifice, you gotta sacrifice this kiddy bullshit to grow buddy. Stop with all the social media. Really try to be more like Michael Jordan. No, really when your contract is up sign with the Bulls. Bring a title back to Chicago. Tell the whole world you want to sign with the Bulls, but you need Gar/Pax/Hoiberg gone first. Ok that last part may have been a little selfish on my part. But hey you scratch my back I scratch yours Kevin. Atrain Corp will be waiting to hear from you.