We will be celebrating the life and career of one Nicholas Cage. His movies have been good, his movies have been bad, his movies have been ugly. Stay Tuned for all Cage all the time next week on ATRAIN SPORTS.
Here have a taste:
If you tried to field a baseball team based entirely on Cage character names from his films what does that team look like?
1B – Grug Crood, voice acting counts. Full Disclosure I have not seen The Croods, but I have seen a lot of fat first basemen. Grug Crood sounds like a first basemen with a bit of a doughnut and beer problem. I also like the name Grug. It’s almost Greg but not, kinda like how Ryne Sandberg sounded like Ryan.
2B – Rick Santoro was a real piece of work in Snake Eyes. I still don’t know how he ended up with Carla Gugino at the end. Ricky Santoro …(we are adding the “y”) is a second basemen’s name if I’ve ever heard one. Italian Pedroia?
SS – Randall “Memphis” Raines was pretty good at stealing cars in Gone in 60 seconds. Memphis Raines the short stop steals bases even faster. (He’d have to 60 seconds is MORE than enough time to throw out a baserunner) But his real skill is his defense, he’s the next Ozzie Smith the sportswriters are saying. Great leader in the clubhouse too.
3B – Stan Goodspeed was a good pickup at third base. Hits for average, doesn’t strike out a lot.. In The Rock he was an expert at disarming VX-gas rockets. In the clubhouse his gas is called the VX rocket, his farts stink that bad.
LF – In Matchstick Men, Roy Waller was a con artist who in the end got conned. In America’s pastime Roy Waller is a journeymen outfielder who needs to start hitting if he wants to stay in left field.
CF – Amos Odell isn’t the excon breaking into Samuel L Jackson’s house in Amos & Andrew. Now he is a black center fielder who hits leadoff and is a menace on the basepath. Think Kenny Lofton with more upside.
RF – Cameron Poe has an absolute cannon in right field, and he hits for power. He is no longer a former US Ranger like he was in Con Air, but a three time all-star who some are calling the “white clemente”
C – Ronny Cammareri is no longer a NYC baker, with one hand, who loves the opera… like he was in Moonstruck. Now he’s a fat catcher nearing the end of his career. Think a more jovial Italian Jake Taylor.
P – Umataro Tenma, another voice credit for Cage. This time it’s Astro Boy. It’s nice to get an easy payday when the IRS is barking down your neck. It’s also nice to get the hot Japanese pitching prospect who just decided to come over from Tokyo. Umataro has won the hearts of Japanese Americans across the nation. Just glad he’s pitching for us.
RP – Joe Enders, I mean this one was too easy. Enders is the perfect name for a closer. He was a Sgt. in the US Army in Windtalkers, but as a closer Enders has found his true calling. He goes fastball, change-up, but it’s almost always fastball with this guy. Think Brad Lidge without the psychological damage from Albert Pujols.