All aboard the ATrain express to hockey hell, passengers! Also known as being a St. Louis Blues fans. One Stanley Cup Finals appearance in their existence. Two Western Conference Finals ass beatings in my lifetime. Other than that, a whole heap of 1st and 2nd round exits. And I do mean a whole heap. The Blues are probably my favorite team in any sport – they’ve taken a back seat to the Cardinals and Rams over the years due to lack of access. I was outside of STL since graduating high school in 2001, but now that I’m back, I’m reveling in it. I had season tix as a kid, and one of my fondest memories was being at the one game in which they beat the Avalanche in 2001 Western Conference Finals. Side Note: ATrain was with me. We took my little bro. ATrain and I used to eat lunch in the St. Louis Galleria Food Court A LOT in high school (options, bro), and we had this…shall we say…”special” busboy who cleaned our trays quite a bit. One day, we were recapping the Blues win the night before (even though the Train is magically a Hawks fan now), and this dude said legendary Blues defensemen Bryce Salvador’s name. That night at the game, Train and I led the crowd in “Bryce Salvador” chants as well as many more. We ran our section. It was awesome. All as the Smash band jammed out in front of us. As I begin to digress, let me just say this – this year’s St. Louis Blues are good. Here’s why.

VLAD THE IMPALER AKA VLADI DADI AKA TARASENKFLOW

If you don’t know, now you know. Vlad is one of the top three to five players in the league. His teams will never be, shall we say, bad. Now smoke Marlboro light and put on gold rope. Kick feet up. Watch Vlad score many goals. He is excellent player of the hockey.

YOUNG JADEN AND YOUNG JAKE ARE BECOMING MEN

If Jaden Schwartz continues to move the back like he has been and skate with this level of ferocity (all while staying on the actual ice), he’s going to be an All Star. His talent has never come under suspicion by anyone, but his heart has. And I’ve questioned the density of his bones. Right now, he looks real noooice. Jake the Snake has been vicious – dropping DDT like glove saves and looking boss in a shootout. If stops letting up multiple goals in the 3rd period, in the last ten minutes of the fucking game, he will start the All Star Game.

NINA SCHENN.

Most readers won’t get that reference. This is the one time I’m going to tell you that you aren’t supposed to. Brayden Schenn’s nickname will become Nina amongst my group of STL friends. We have our reasons. Regardless, young Nina has been a terror on the ice and might just be the second best offensive threat to Vladi when the season is done. Losing Fabbri was killer, because him and Nina together would be really awesome to watch. Hope it gets to happen one day. I miss Robert dearly and deeply.

RAYKES AND PETRO

Our two defensive anchors are young monsters. Colton Parayko is my guy. He’s the one who’s sweater I’ll wear to the Kiel this year (it’s always going to be the Kiel to me) and Petro is the captain. The fact that it is him and not Tarasenkflow speaks miles to how meaningful he is to that locker room.

So yeah, the Blues are good. They’re undefeated. I’m not saying anything more than that. LGB, baby.