Prone Bone Malone Pigskin Particulars

Stand clear of the closing doors, Rail Riders. Prone Bone Malone is on the ATrain PATH Train to NFL Wizardry! Yesterday’s slate confirmed some of what we knew, slapped us in the face with some new knowledge, and blew up some of the universal beliefs shared by all “experts.” One thing is for certain – the official Disney villain of this year’s NFL season is Iago. Parody via parrotry. I’m a lyrical sniper, family.

PICK 5 REVIEW

Ya boy went 3-2 this weekend. Our PBM darlings, the Eagles, SMASHED the hapless Broncos and Dr. Wentz Weticine Thrower looked ridiculous on national red head day. The Cowboys looked sharp with their cracker factory commander in chief cackling from the press box as Zeke ran through the Chiefs, and the stinky Panthers beat the stinky Falcons by three to cover the 1.5 spread. Jared took our pick of the GGGGGGGMEN personally as the Rams showed the world they are fucking for real. Derrick for real. Bodhi Goffer and Toddy Utah gashed the woeful Gints all day long, and the Rams other weapons such as Robby Woods, SWATkins and Tyler Higbee scored at will. Our other miss was picking the Seabirds at home – silly mistake on ya boy’s part. Big time let down game for Russ and his merry band of virgins. Plus, PBM + Cousins = magic. We always like that, Kurt. Always.

MORE ON THE RAMS

The LA > STL > LA Rambos are 6-2 and atop the NFC West. Right now, they’re in position to host a playoff game. Most definitely the surprise of this year’s season. We’re going to check in with Jared later today or tomorrow, because he has a TON to say. Him and ATrain met for the first time, and he likes the Train way more than me at the moment. There is also word on the street that Higbee has intercepted his bromance with Cooper, and that SWATkins taught him how to leaf a Dutch. Promise you all that the current state of Goffer Nation will air on the Prone Bone Dome by mid-day tomorrow at the latest.

THE TEAL CURTAIN

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That is the graphic CBS used to describe the Jacksonville Jaguars’ #1 rated defense. Read that back – statistically, the Jags have the best defense in the league. It’s officially banana meets pineapple meets mango land. Fruit salad levels of crazy with no filler fruit at all. The Jags are definitely debuting in this week’s ranks.

BIG TREE FALL HARD

I literally lost my mind when this happened. Laughing like a fucking hyena. Symbolic of so many things right now, as the Chiefs are in a bit of a slump and their offense has been totally exposed. Better find a solution, Andy. Or else you’re going to be counting fingers once again come playoff time.

The PBM Power Ranks look like this:

  1. New England Patriots
  2. Philadelphia Eagles
  3. Pittsburgh Steelers
  4. Dallas Cowboys
  5. New Orleans Saints
  6. Los Angeles Rams
  7. Kansas City Chiefs
  8. Jacksonville Jaguars
  9. Carolina Panthers
  10. Minnesota Vikings
  11. Tennessee Titans
  12. Seattle Seahawks
  13. Buffalo Bills
  14. Oakland Raiders
  15. Washington Redskins

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