Every time the holiday season rolls around the inevitable question is asked by women everywhere: “What do I get the man who has everything?”

Good Question. A-Train is here with the answer but first, let me ask you this: “Is your man’s penis protected from evil spirits that would do it malicious harm?” The odds are that you haven’t even thought about how evil spirits might be affecting your man’s Johnson.

The truth is that most cases of erectile dysfunction are in fact caused by evil spirits and/or spells directed at the male anatomy. Spiritual Flaccidation is often misdiagnosed as “Whiskey Dick” by the amateur urologist. Viagra and Cialis have made a killing selling drugs to combat erectile dysfunction but they are expensive and extremely unreliable vs spells and spirits. Lucky for men and women everywhere I stumbled across an old eastern secret to combat this aggressive foe. Enter the Palad Khik.

“Palad Khik” translates to the term “Honorable Surrogate Penis” and is an amulet that is to be worn underneath the clothes, offset from the real McCoy.

This little piece of science was invented in India and brought to Thailand about 1200 years ago. India is always on the cutting edge of the tech game. They had been leading cock technicians for ages.

How do I know about the Palad Khik? Relax ladies, there have been no spells cast on little-train. I was thumbing through a coffee table book I own called The Signs and Symbols Sourcebook.  (I credit them with all my knowledge of the Palad Khik.) When I saw this magnificent symbol, I felt great reverence for such a noble device.

Shop Palad Khiks on ETSY.

Even if your man’s dick is spiritually safe and sound there is no denying the chance for a placebo effect. Just having the Palad Khik on hand can give a guy the confidence he needs to perform at peak levels. This is a no lose situation.

Size Matters: Don’t be afraid to get your guy a BIG Palad Khik. I’m assuming the evil spirits will go into the larger of the two penis’s, If I was an evil spirit I know I would. This is why you may want to dwarf your man’s dick with his honorable surrogate. His ego won’t be hurt when you present him with the Palad Khik so long as your frame it as being to his benefit. Guys are usually not very self-conscious about penis size, so you don’t have anything to worry about. Be sure to casually joke that if he isn’t up to the task, perhaps the Palad Khik is…he will love this even if his face shows shame and/or anger.

Ladies, no need to thank me but….you’re welcome.

Guys, you’re also welcome…your ding dong will last long.