Local News: This Car Break-In (attempt) is Too Seattle for Words.

I’m a little bit chagrined that this went viral under my nose and I’m late in blogging it. This happened right in A-Train’s backyard, and I am all too familiar with this level of criminal. You cannot walk more than a few blocks in this city without seeing some poor SOB who had the affront to park his car outside of a locked garage. The penalty is a smashed window courtesy of some piece of shit in the Emerald City.

This video is hilarious and Joe Buck needs to be looking over his shoulder because the guy laying down the audio has the skills to pay the bills. “Las Vegas odds say he won’t hit one more time, and he doesn’t” priceless line by my man at KIRO-7.

I’ve seen this level of criminal before, my buddy Preston woke up to a dickhead just like this guy going through his shit in the middle of the night. At The Kills concert at the Market, my friend Sarah had her window smashed and her CDs taken, the idiot left so much more valuable shit untaken. This guy, however, takes the fucking cake. He’s way to big a bitch to smash a car window like an alpha male, instead, he tries to unhorse the window through mop-jousting. In the end, he feels so much shame he decides to end it all but even in that he failed.

I don’t know why but the pacific northwest breeds a kind of super-stupid white criminal. I mean just the other day this video from Snohomish County went viral.

Another dumbass white criminal putting aside self-respect and morality in order to steal shit that if you’re lucky might get you 100 bucks worth of trash to spend on drugs. This lady got a broken leg for her efforts, car-jouster probably has a pretty serious concussion.

You know who we don’t see or hear from in these videos? The police. These are the crimes that get zero response from law enforcement and probably why they continue to happen up here. My friend Brooke has video footage of a drunken customer who she refused to serve slashing here tires. She took it to the police along with the woman’s identity….nothing, not even a stern warning from the police.

I have learned to keep anything that looks even remotely of value well out of sight from these savages when parking ’round here.






One thought on “Local News: This Car Break-In (attempt) is Too Seattle for Words.

  1. These videos are both amaze but the the announcer in that first is 10/10. I would love to know what the plan was though if that guy hadn’t fallen.


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