The juice is in the caboose and we’re ready to turn it loose, PBM Disciples! We came back down to the earth last week in the pick six, going 3-3 and missing on our Thursday night bonus pick. That brings PBM to 8-4 in the pick six and 1-1 on the bonuses for the year. Still heavy in the black, children. I like combining Hip Hop with my picks last week, so I’m going to run that concept back probably for the rest of the season. Fux with it or don’t – I don’t care. If you don’t you probably like The Filthy Skillets. Onward and upward to pay dirt…CHOO CHOO!
MIAMI DOLPHINS (-3.5) over Vegas Raiders
I don’t want to like the Dolphins. I put them in the laundry room in the mansion. I picked against them last week. But…there’s just…something “catchy” about them. I wanted to hate Minkah Fitzpatrick trademarking Fitz Magic, especially after Fitzpatrick put the stick into stickman with that outfit during his Sunday’s presser. And yet, I can’t hate the Dolphins and I kind of love what Minkah did. The Dolphins are 2-0 too, people! Minkah is the addition to their team, why can’t he claim that people have called him Fitz Magic since high school even though I never heard once during Alabama games?!? Much like this track, I don’t want to love the Dolphins but I do. I love this joint – I love screaming “I got this Fruit Punch in my cup!” The Vegas Raiders are a dumpster fire and Miami has it’s own brand of Fitz Magic in the cauldron – lock of the week right here.
PHILADELPHIA EAGLES (-6.5) over Naptown Colts
The return of king Daywalker, Carson Wentz! My memories remain of him coming into LA and dick stomping Jared and the Rams. People forgot this Eagles team was way better with Wentz than Big Dick Nick aka Napolean Dynamite aka Nick Foles. I wanted to buy into Luck and the Colts and then I watched their game last week when they looked like the trash I thought they were. I think the Birds romp in Carson’s triumphant first steps back on the gridiron.
KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (-6.5) over Frisco Niners
The Chiefs offense is HAWRD. This track is basically Tyreek Hill’s banger deluxe. I don’t see how they don’t blow out the Niners who I don’t like. Fire it up for Mahomes, Camarohead.
JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (-6.5) over Tennessee Titans
This track should blare during the Jags highlight reel following this season. This team is cement, brick wall, iron fist hard. They DESTROYED the Patriots last week. This Titans team isn’t good – believe that. There is potential for a letdown in this game, and that’s why I’m not making it my lock of the week, but I’m supremely confident in the Jags destroying the Titans.
LOS ANGELES CHARGERS (+7.5) over Los Angeles Rams
The Rams have arguably been the best team in football. It’s them or the aforementioned Jaguars. But just fucking relax for a minute, disciples. The Chargers are our super bowl team, remember? They are a FORCE when fully healthy. This isn’t a home game for the Rams, and they’re due to come down to Earth. If you’re feeling frisky, take the Chargers ML. If you’re a rational human, take the points. Goff is going to taste turf in this game – he isn’t good when that happens (sorry, Jared).
NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (+6.5) over Detroit Lions
I love this song – I included it for the opening line – “Postman like Jaykae where ya been?!?” I want to ask the Pats the same thing – where you fuckin’ been, boys? I think they show us this weekend they’re still around. I’m not touching on the Josh Gordon addition in this blog – I’m contemplating writing a real deal op/ed on it. It’s the most interesting sports/entertainment story in the world to ya boy, and it deserves actual literary form. I will say this – it’s going to go really well for the Pats which is awful for the rest of the league, or it’s going to go really bad for Josh Gordon which effects only him. Get your popcorn or Kleenex ready.
Thursday night bonus pick: Cleveland Browns (-3.5) over the NY Jets
Don’t bet this game. Please don’t. If you do, don’t say PBM said pick the Browns. I’m going to deny it.