How are you, rail riders? You OK? If you’re not, I got your back. I’m here with a ridiculously detailed deep dive of an upcoming hoops tourney which will soothe our sports fan souls. As the country enters stage two of the reopening process, I felt it was time to get the caboose back chuggin’ along via this preview/sales pitch for the TBT aka “The Basketball Tournament.” I’m not going to spend much time talking about anything other than my favorite non-mainstream sporting event ever, but I am going to say a few things to set the record straight:
1. Black Lives Matter. Please feel free to fuck right off if you fly confederate flags, say “all lives matter,” attend Trump rallies in the face of a pandemic-level virus, and think the cops treat everyone equally.
2. The NBA should not finish the season with a silly format, no fans, and no travel. This structure could/would potentially toy with the record books, realign the league’s historical integrity, and disrupt the modern day organizational structure/balance of power permanently. For once I’m in complete agreement with three dudes I don’t like very much – Kyrie Irving, Dwight Howard, and Billy Bob’s small friend from “Bad Santa” (aka Avery Bradley).
Forget basketball for a second – the time and energy of NBA players is invaluable in other capacities right now. It is immeasurably impactful when applied to the fight for equal rights through non-stop social justice advocacy. Looking at the NBA’s Orlando “bubble” concept as anything other than a distraction, a health risk, or a cash grab would be incompetent and tone deaf. Two players from the odds-on favorites in Vegas are adamantly against playing – that’s all you need to comprehend to get on my level.
3. If you want basketball, PBM’s got just the thing to satisfy your cravings. If you haven’t watched the summertime, single-elimination TBT than you’ve been missing the fuck out, family. It won’t be the same as year’s past when it kicks off in less than two weeks, but it’s got enough March Madness nostalgia and enough top notch hooping ability to satisfy any basketball fan who is feening for competitive ball. Here’s a crash course preview of this year’s participants and a predictive breakdown of the bracket:
For the most past, teams in this tourney are made up of alumni from one school (with a ringer or two), alumni from specific conferences, or they’re occasionally built from scratch by enterprising GM’s. Last year marked the fifth time a million bucks or more went in the winning team’s pockets. The #1 seed this year, Carmen’s Crew, won two million bucks a summer ago. When they hoisted the check after the finals, it was the first time anyone had beaten the defending four-time champions and this year’s #2 seed, Overseas Elite. I’ll fill you in on each team’s roster shortly. I need to inform you about the Elam Ending – it’s how this tourney decides who wins and who goes home.
Did you like the NBA All Star game this year? Pretty fuckin’ dope fourth quarter, right? The notion of playing to a score instead of playing for a set period of time adds excitement and intensity in spades. Guess what? They stole this idea from the TBT. The Elam Ending sets a target score, based on the total points of the game’s leading team, and the winner is the team who reaches that number first. Here’s an example of how a ton of games end:
Way better than foul-chuck-foul-chuck-foul, right? It makes every game at least slightly enjoyable. Without further adieu, let’s breakdown the bracket and make some predictions. Here are the eight teams receiving a first round bye:
#1 Seed: Carmen’s Crew: This a team made up of almost every non-NBA or NBA coffee cup sippers who played for the Ohio St. Buckeyes in recent years. They’re even coached by their own – Evan Turner led them to a tourney title last year and this year Jared Sullinger has the whistle. If you’re underwhelmed by their notable players, try not to be. This group did the impossible and beat an undefeated, four-time champion last year. Enough said.
- Noteworthy Buckeye Alums: Aaron Craft, Jon Diebler, David Lighty, Dallas Lauderdale
- Ringers: Demetri McCamey (Illini traitor), Pape Malik Dime (Washington)
- Plays winner the winner House of Paign/War Tampa
#2 Seed: Overseas Elite: The Gods of this universe have OE on their chest – these dudes are without a doubt the favorites to reclaim their spot at the top of the mountain this summer. They brought in the biggest newcomer of the tournament in addition to keeping their St. John’s fueled, long standing core intact. The Johnnie’s core is made up of DJ Kennedy (tourney MVP for their wins), Paris Horne, and Justin Burrell. They’re the equivalent of the Splash Bros. + Draymond. Who is the FA playing the role of KD in this compassion? Iso fuckin’ Joe. Joe Johnson is running with the champs and the rest of the bracket should be petrified.
- Returning players: D.J. Kennedy, Paris Horne, Justin Burell (all St. John’s alums), DeAndre Kane (Iowa St.), Bobby Brown (Drew league standout and former Houston Rocket)
- Noteworthy additions: Joe Johnson, Pooh Jeter (Drew league standout with handles for days)
- Plays winner of Armored Athlete/Power of the Paw
#3 Seed: Boeheim’s Army: Jim Boeheim murdered a man with his personal vehicle. You know this, right? It makes sense for a murderous driver to field a team of soldiers who march to his insanely consistent commands. The zone is dead, Jim. Just like the guy on the side of the road in upstate NY whom you hit with your car. This army has no mercenaries – it’s all Cuse alums. They’re also seeded WAY too high.
- Notable players: Eric Devendorf, Brandon Triche, Donte Greene, Malachi Richardson, Chris McCollough
- Play the winner of HEARTFIRE/Men of Mackey
#4 Seed: Golden Eagles: This group of Marquette alumni have become a fixture at the TBT. They’ve also won quite a few games – I’m pretty sure they’re a finalist and a multi-time final four participant. Built with dudes who played extensive pro ball all over the world and a few who with NBA chops, these guys are no joke.
- Notable alumi players: Travis Diener, Dwight Buycks, Mo Acker, Jamil Wilson, Darius Johnson-Odom, Andrew Rowsey
- Ringer: Elgin Cook (Oregon)
- Play the winner of Team CP3/Mid-American Unity
#5 Seed: Eberlein Drive: This is one of those teams built by an enterprising GM – Eberlein Drive has been a consistent presence in TBT’s since the early days and rarely show up with the same squad of the prior year. Cal’s Jerome Randle led them to the Finals one year, but they’ve had minimal success in their other years. This team is boom or bust deluxe.
- Notable players: Dusty Hannahs (Arkansas), J.P. Macura (Xavier, Cleveland Cavaliers), Tim Quarterman and Johnny O’Bryant (LSU)
- Play the winner of Brotherly Love/Stillwater Stars
#6 Seed: Team Challenge ALS: Perennial contenders in this tourney, Team Challenge ALS was built by BC alum Sean Marshall and the late Pete Fraites of Barstoolsports.com fame. They’ve too have been a runner-up to OE, but haven’t been on a run for a few years now.
- Notable players: Sean Marshall and Tyrese Rice (BC), Casper Ware (Drew League LEGEND), several San Diego St. alums
- Player winner of Team Hines/Sideline Cancer
#7 Seed: The Money Team (TMT): Not sure if this team’s management has been in a TBT before, but a bunch of these players have TBT experience (and tons of additional high-level pro balling to go with it). I like this team A LOT. I also think Floyd Mayweather funds it or is involved in another capacity…hence the unoriginal name.
- Notable players: Tony Wroten (Washington, NBA), Willie Reed (SLU, NBA), Austin Daye (Gonzaga, NBA), Trevor MBakwe (Minnesota), Jordon Crawford and Jeff Ledbetter (TBT stars from Jimmer Fredette’s squad a year or two ago)
- Plays winner of Jimmy V/Herd That
#8 Seed: Red Scare: Dayton alums from the 2014 Elite Eight are mixed with a couple of Obi Toppin’s running mates from last year and one nasty ringer in Louisville’s Ryan McMahon. One of the four/five favorites to take the crown.
- Notable alumni players: Devin Oliver, Ryan Mikesell, and Trey Landers
- Ringer: Ryan McMahon (Louisville)
- Plays winner of Big X/Jackson TN Underdogs
Got all that, rail riders? It is time to breakdown the first round matchups and the rest of the action set to follow them – intrigue is everywhere in these games, children. The winners’ names are in Italics.
| #9 Big X | VS. | #24 Jackson TN Underdogs |
|---|---|---|
| Notable Players | Notable Players | |
| Javon Bess, Nick Ward (Michigan St.) | Jaylen Barford (Arkansas, TBT legend) | |
| Khalil Iverson, Trevon Hughes (Wisco) | Courtney Pigram (ETSU Standout) |
| #10 Playing For Jimmy V. | VS. | #23 Herd That |
|---|---|---|
| Notable Players | Notable Players | |
| NBA Coffee Sippers Josh Perkins (Zaga), Haywood Highsmith | Marshall alums including Jon Elmore, CJ Burks | |
| UCF Big Men Chad Brown, AJ Davis | Zach Smith (Texas Tech), Jacorey Williams (Middle Tenn) |
| #11 Team Hines | VS. | #22 Sideline Cancer |
|---|---|---|
| Notable Players | Notable Players | |
| Ethan Happ (Wisco), Gilbert Brown (Pitt), Delroy James (URI) | Jamal Artis (Pitt), Maurice Creek (GW via IU) | |
| Nick Calathes (UF), Brandon Paul (Illini), AJ Slaughter (WKU) | Andrew Fitzgerald (Oklahoma), Dion Wright (Bonnies) |
| #12 Brotherly Love | VS. | #21 Stillwater Stars |
|---|---|---|
| Notable Players | Notable Players | |
| Temple alums including Khalif Wyatt and Ramone Moore | Markel Brown, Phil Forte, and LeBryan Nash (aka dudes who ran with Marcus Smart) | |
| Penn St. standout D.J. Newbill | Tyshawn Taylor and Nadir Tharpe join as ringers from KU |
| #13 Team CP3 | VS. | #20 Mid-American Unity |
|---|---|---|
| Notable Players | Notable Players | |
| Kennedy Meeks, PJ Hairston (UNC) | Alums from mediocre. forgettable MAC teams | |
| Dez Wells (Maryland) | Marcus Hall (Colorado) |
| #14 HEARTFIRE | VS. | #19 Men of Mackey |
|---|---|---|
| Notable Players | Notable Players | |
| Homer Drew coaches Baylor’s Quincy Miller, Ish Wainwright, & the insiring Isaiah Austin | Jon Octeus + the goofiest looking Purdue alumni on this planet | |
| Zona G Mark Lyons joins Sparty alums Brandon Wood, Branden Dawson | Goofs incldue Ryan Cline, Isaac Haas, Evan Boudreaux |
| #15 Armored Athlete | VS. | #18 Power of the Paw |
|---|---|---|
| Notable Players | Notable Players | |
| Standouts include Dominique Jones (USF) Terico White (Ole Miss), Michael Ojo (FSU) | Sneaky solid recent Clemson alums Gabe DeVoe, Marquise Reed, and Elijah Thomas | |
| Arkansas alums Courtney Fortson, Coty Clarke | Ringer is Mizzou’s Jakeenan Gant |
| #16 House of Paign | VS. | #17 War Tampa |
|---|---|---|
| Notable Players | Notable Players | |
| Recent Illini alums led by LeRon Black, Andres Feliz, and Michael Finke | Bryce Brown headlines crew of Auburn alums | |
| Best ringers by far: Matt Mooney (Texas Tech), Mike Daum (SD St.) | Dope ringer tandem: Fletcher McGee (Wofford), Walter Hodge (UF) |
PREDICTED ROUND OF 16
- #16 House of Paign def. #1 Carmen’s Crew
- #8 Red Scare def. #9 Big X
- #4 Golden Eagles def. #13 Team CP3
- #21 Stillwater Stars def. #5 Eberlein Drive
- #19 Men of Mackey def. #3 Boheim’s Army
- (Boheim killed a guy with this car – we don’t reward that stuff at ATrainsports.com)
- #11 Team Hines def. #6 Challenge ALS
- #7 Money Team def. #10 Jimmy V
- #2 Overseas Elite def. #18 Power of the Paw
PREDICTED ELITE EIGHT
- #16 House of Paign def.. #8 Red Scare
- #4 Golden Eagles def. #21 Stillwater Stars
- #11 Team Hines def. #19 Men of Mackey
- #2 Overseas Elite def. #7 Money Team
PREDICTED FINAL FOUR AND CHAMPIONSHIP GAME
#16 HOUSE OF PAIGN DEFEATS #4 GOLDEN EAGLES
#2 OVERSEAS ELITE DEFEAT #11 TEAM HINES
PBM’S 2020 TBT CHAMPION IS…
A-Train Sports 