Category: The Locomotive

I Injured My Back By Sneezing Just Like Sammy Sosa.

Back in 2004, Sammy Sosa caught a ton of heat for injuring his back by sneezing. Let me tell you that shit is as real as it gets. I sneezed the other day while standing in an awkward position and my back hasn’t been the same since. I can barely move three days later. I ...

Pre-Cog News: Pornhub’s Traffic Drops During the Super Bowl.

Since Pornhub burst onto the scene as the internet’s #1 adult website, we get the same news story after every single Superbowl. BREAKING NEWS AMERICAN’S ARE CAPABLE OF NOT JERKING OFF FOR 3 HOURS TO WATCH FOOTBALL! WE GET A GRAPHIC LIKE THIS: We get some yadda-yadda-yadda-about porn, a side note about the mini porn ...

Henry VIII of England Probably Had CTE From a Jousting Accident.

One thing that modern medicine affords historians is the ability to read the symptoms of historical figures and try to connect their behavior with a modern diagnosis. The madness of King George III of England is now attributed to a genetic condition known as Porphyria. Edgar Allan Poe is now believed to have died from Rabies. Now ...

Local News: This Car Break-In (attempt) is Too Seattle for Words.

I’m a little bit chagrined that this went viral under my nose and I’m late in blogging it. This happened right in A-Train’s backyard, and I am all too familiar with this level of criminal. You cannot walk more than a few blocks in this city without seeing some poor SOB who had the affront ...

Kids These Days: Still Just As Ruthless & Diabolical As Ever.

Let me just start by saying that kids are the absolute worst. People say children are the future? False. They are just a cog in a never-ending cycle of human reproduction. Don’t trust kids, they smell fear, they will find your weakness and fucking exploit that shit. Girls can be the worse than boys when ...

Guy Does Some Outerworldly Guitar Hero Feat.

This is why Reddit is awesome. It leads me to these kinds of videos, holy shit! I don’t even play guitar hero but I know I just watched something special. Watch the people in the chat window start to lose their minds as he gets close to 100% completion. Unless he can see through the blindfold I ...

Meat Vending Machine. One Step Closer to Robots Running Everything.

At first, I thought “Hey Meat Vending Machine, I’m gonna blog about how sweet this is.” Yes, of course, a meat vending machine is pretty sweet no matter the location. You’re out and about, your tummy rumbles, you look up and see meat. It’s the American Dream. An inside of a Nordstrom’s is like a labyrinth ...